He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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