Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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