I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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