go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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