Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
