you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is Oprah even human
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
