I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
