she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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