yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
