The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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