the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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