I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
