You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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