I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
