if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
