i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
