wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
