why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
