I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
