Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
