I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
