I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
