im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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