Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
