On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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