happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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