i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
