are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
