yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
