i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
