Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sext me about skeletons
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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