im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
