why didn't you poke me back
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
