I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Jerry, you need to find god
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
