Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
