She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
