I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
