I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
