I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Randomize
