No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
bring money and cleavage
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
