So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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