Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
