Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
high people should be assigned attendants
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
