It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
