You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
