super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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