Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
