i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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