So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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