Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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