the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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