you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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